Lets face it…dating is hard. It hard enough for the average person to overcome their fears that they’re not; pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough, or interesting enough, and put themselves out there. Let’s add a major disability like mine to the equation. Not only do I have those fears too but I also have to deal with the extra oddities that come with my condition that only add to my already fragile ego. Oddities such as my severely crocked spine that not only makes me feel un-pretty but is also very painful and limits what I’m able to do, and the false joint in my right arm between my shoulder and my elbow that developed from a break which never healed allowing me to completely rotate my arm 180 degrees…just to name a few. With these extra insecurities putting myself out there into the dating world was next to impossible. When I would step out on that limb and open myself up to someone…rejection always followed.
At least that was the case until I opened my heart to a very special guy that changed my perspective on everything. Not only did he not mind my imperfections, he embraced them and saw the beauty behind them. I opened my mind to possibilities that I’d written off years ago…such as marriage and kids. Suddenly these things seemed tauntingly within my grasp…dangling only slightly out of reach.
Now I’m scared that I’ve given myself false hope. I’m desperately afraid that the rug is going to be pulled out from under me and he’ll wake up one day and see what an unappealing girlfriend he has. Why would someone choose me when there are obviously better fish in the sea…ones that come with way less baggage? These fears creep up on me like a bad cold you just can’t shake. Constantly nagging at me to just give up and put myself out of my misery. After all isn’t it easier to just give up? Sure, it probably would be but would I be happy….NO. Nothing worth having comes without a price…and right now the price is risking getting my heart broken worse than it’s ever been before.
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First of all, I'm so glad to hear that your surgery went better than expected and that you are recovering well! You are so fortunate to have found someone with such a wonderful heart and soul! Men who appreciate women for all they are and aren't hung up on looks alone are the ideal for any woman, disability or not! I don't have a disability, but I don't like several things about myself but have learned to embrace them... my nose is huge, my breasts are super small, my belly is pudgy and I feel I have too much hair on my arms. I think all women can find at least one thing they wish they could change about themselves. Finding a man who accepts you for who you are is like finding a diamond in the rough! More importantly embracing yourself for who you are is like learning that you are the diamond, stong, shiny and beautiful! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThat was a life changing blog there Melissa. You're one of the coolest people I've ever had the pleasure to meet, for real!
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